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Control, in its absolute form, is the ability to choose an action or result. A TV “remote control”, for example, allows somebody to choose which channel they want to watch.

Most of life isn’t as simple as watching television, however.

Sometimes we seek authority because we think it will give us control. We might campaign for city council. We might put in for a promotion at work. Whatever it is, we’re trying to compensate for our lack of control by gaining authority in some arena of our lives.

After all, if you have authority, people are supposed to listen to you. You frequently have the ability to punish those who disagree with you. Neither of these, however, is any guarantee of control!

Let’s take a simple example.

Let’s say you have a five-year-old child. There is no question that you are the parent, and the child is the child. You’re bigger, stronger, smarter, and the relationship is defined – you’re the one in charge.

You put the child in their room, with directions to put their toys away. You walk off, and come back in half an hour.

Guess what? The toys are still all over the floor! If you’ve ever had a small child, you’ve seen this scenario play out dozens (if not hundreds!) of times.

How did this happen? You clearly have authority. You’re bigger, stronger, and smarter. You’re the one in charge. So why are the toys still all over the floor?

The answer is that authority doesn’t equal control. Yes, the child is supposed to listen to you – but they can choose to sit on their bed and read a book if they like. Or they can play with the toys they’re supposed to be putting away.

Now….if this doesn’t even work in an ideal scenario (bigger, stronger, smarter, and defined authority), how well do you think it’s going to work with office employees, people in volunteer organizations, and others?

There’s a bottom line here, and it’s very simple: you can’t force anybody to do anything.

Even if we take it to the ultimate extreme and say you’re holding a gun pointed at somebody, they still don’t have to do what you ask. Their motivation might be increased, but they can still say “no”.

Anybody seeking authority because their life is otherwise out of control is bound to be disappointed. The sad truth is, authority typically only brings more responsibility – and if you don’t have control already, the added responsibility just gives you even more things that you don’t have control over.

Seeking authority to gain control is like buying stuff to be happy – you get a short-term “high”, but ultimately it’s hollow and empty because the authority doesn’t solve the underlying issue.

It’s obvious that more authority isn’t the answer.

In our next installment, we’ll look at one of the things we can control, and how to leverage it to increase control in other areas of our lives.